Reclaiming Joy in Motherhood
Have you ever lost your Joy in mothering? I know I have. Usually it is after a few days of sick children, with nights of little sleep, and days passing without taking time to get into the Word and refresh my soul. Then I start getting extra snappy, my tone of voice is usually irritated when the boys call me or go to ask me a question, and smiling and laughter are not heard very much from me. How can we find joy in motherhood again, after those days of constant drain? What about for those of us who are struggling with anxiety and depression?
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What Does Joy in Motherhood Start With?
Joy in motherhood begins with serving. I know you have been serving ever since your baby came home. Feeding, changing, washing, carrying, over and over again. Your baby is now a toddler, or a kindergartner, or a middle-schooler, and you have been serving this whole time. If you then say, “I serve and serve, and serve some more, but I’m not filled with joy”, then maybe we should look at WHY we are serving and HOW we are serving.
Why are we serving in motherhood? We know that motherhood is a refining fire. We know that our children are gifts for us to steward. We know that we should be pointing them to Christ in our actions.
But sometimes, in the day to day tasks, those principles get lost. We are serving in order to make our children see just how much we do for them.
We serve to look better than that other mom.
We serve because it has to be done.
We serve because it will just be faster for us to do the task.
How are we serving in motherhood? Do we huff and puff because no one will help us?
Do we think bad thoughts about our children as we fix food AGAIN, or clean up a mess?
Do we project an attitude that life was better before our children came along? {Even if unspoken, our children pick up on these thoughts…}
Are we doing things because we HAVE to?
Reframing Our Thinking about Serving in Motherhood
How can we find joy in motherhood again? Motherhood is a refining fire, and Christian motherhood is counter-cultural. Finding joy in motherhood will mean that we need to reframe our thinking about why we serve and how we serve.
How do we start that reframing process? By saturating our minds with the truth of God’s word.
“I appeal to you therefore, [Mommas], by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world [to its thoughts on self-care and the sacrifices of motherhood], but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Romans 12:1-2
“Do nothing from selfish ambition, or vain conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
Philippians 2:3-8
“As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”
John 15:9-11
“Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Nehemiah 8:10b
How should we be serving?
We should be serving our children with humility. By putting their interests and needs on the same level as our own.
By remembering that abiding in the Father’s love means to keep his commandment to love others as we love ourselves. And that when we abide in him and keep his commands, our joy will be full. When we serve our children with the right attitude, our level of joy will continue to rise.
When we are feeling to tired to serve, we need to remember that God is greater than our exhausted state, and that the joy that we find in Him is our strength.
How can I find joy as a mother again?
1. Feed Your Soul
The first step to finding joy in motherhood, would be to take a moment to feed our souls. This doesn’t need to be an in-depth study on joy, or a specific passage. Rather it can be a moment to soak in a verse or two and then meditate on those the whole day. The above verses would be a great place to start. Here are some more Biblical affirmations for mommas that you could also meditate on.
And if you are looking for ideas on including your children in your quiet time, or even more way to find space for growing in your relationship with God, check out these two posts!
How to Find Time for God When You Have a Newborn
To the Momma Who Wants to Be Mary
2. Do what God is telling you to.
Abiding in Christ happens by keeping the Father’s command to love him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and then to love your neighbor {your children!} as yourself. Also, keep those convictions that he is placing on your heart. Your convictions may be different than any other momma that you know, but if God is placing something on your heart, then do it! Abiding in Him brings joy.
3. Address your triggers and negative emotions.
What triggers your negative emotions towards motherhood and your children? If it is sleepless nights when the littles are sick, can you come up with a game plan to make the next day slower? What about making a couple of freezer meals to pull out on those days so cooking isn’t another thing to think of? Or make sure that you have all the basics on hand for a spaghetti dinner, or some other simple meal?
This exercise may take a little bit of time, but the payoff will be worth it!
4. Remembering that in serving your children, you are serving Christ.
Keeping this though in mind, will make it easier to do the day-to-day tasks that come with motherhood. Please, don’t think that I’m meaning you should be doing everything, by no means! Children need chores and the responsibility is good for them, but there are things that only you do. And if, like me, you find yourself have a bad attitude about those things, remember that you are doing them for Christ. You are ministering to your children and family when you do those tasks. And when you serve with a good attitude, you are pleasing God’s heart.
5. The Joy of the Lord is Your Strength!
When you please God’s heart, you make him happy. You fill him with joy, and in turn that joy comes back to you, knowing that you are doing a job well done, for Christ.
6. Consider slowing down your schedule.
Slowing down your schedule will give you room for those moments when your littles ask you to play a game, when they want you to read a book, or tell a joke, or take an unplanned trip to the park. These moments are good for bonding and they can also create memories that will help to fill you with joy on those days when things are going wrong.
A slower schedule also helps you to have room to cuddle sick babies, and not worry about missing out on things that were planned. And you will have time to focus in on your children, remembering the feeling of their little toddler hand in yours, or the weight of them sleeping in your arms.
For mommas who are struggling with finding joy because you are struggling with anxiety or depression, I highly urge you to seek a Christian counselor, and your doctor. If needed, medications can help you regain the joy in life that you desperately want. There is nothing wrong, or unbiblical, about taking medications. You can also check out this post for Christian moms struggling through depression.
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This was so refreshing to read! I totally agree that we need to reframe the way we view and feel about motherhood. The world has painted such a negative picture. As a SAHM, I am often asked, “what else do you do,” as if being a mom somehow isn’t enough. I’m so grateful that God sees it differently.
After yesterday’s snow day, I certainly needed to read this! Thank you!