How My Third Child Changed My Mothering
When my third son was born I was expecting change. I knew that our schedule would change. I knew that our family dynamics would change; our oldest wouldn’t feel change too much, but our second born was going to have to deal with giving up his baby status.
I knew that nights of sleep would once again be replaced with repeated wakings, nursing sessions, and cuddling.
I knew that my husband and I would have to deal with less time together again as we took turns with who was on baby watch; I had Andrew at night and during the day, my husband would take him when he got home from work and stay up with him until he went to sleep so that I could go to bed early in an attempt to make up for lost sleep.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the way that my precious, third son would change my mothering.
I now know why the baby of each family is the baby.
Because they are the baby.
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How My Third Child Changed My Mothering
Here are some ways that the birth of my third child changed my parenting habits:
I cuddle more and get less done.
I have seen how fast the newborn, infant and baby stage go. With my oldest I was constantly pushing him to do new things, to achieve new milestones. With my second I wasn’t pushing as much, but was still pushing slightly because I wanted my oldest to have a playmate sooner. Now with my third I get sad as each milestone is achieved. When Andrew gets up on his hands and knees I want to push him back down and not allow him to scoot all over the place; when he rolls from one side of the room to the other, inspecting all of the things he can get into, I want to pick him up and keep him in one spot.
I have spent a lot more time cuddling Andrew, staring at his little sleeping face, smelling his baby breath, and savoring his smallness. I know from experience how fleeting these moments are. The house isn’t as clean as it has been in the past, we don’t go as many places, but my baby won’t be a baby forever and I want to enjoy these moments while they are here.
We co-sleep more often than before.
With my first two my husband and I co-slept with the baby for the first few weeks, usually up to six weeks before transitioning them to the Pack and Play that was in our room. After those initial weeks the boys were in their own bed most of the time, but still in our room. If they came to our bed it was after their last night/early morning feed and before they would get up for the day. It allowed both of us to sleep in a little bit more in the morning.
Andrew has been in our bed almost every night for part of the night. He is six months old.
Why? Because I have realized the value of sleep; if Andrew is sick I sleep better with him next to me where I can hear if he is having problems breathing or coughing a lot and he sometimes has fussy, restless nights where he sleeps better with momma right next to him. Co-sleeping brings both of us more rest.
I wear my baby more often.
Because it is easier to deal with the older two when the baby is safely on me. Because I don’t want to miss any of the baby stage. Because Andrew slept easier in the wrap or sling. Because it made sense. Because grocery shopping is easier. Because I like his warm little body next to me.
I’m in less of a hurry to start solid foods.
I’ve learned more since having children than I learned during high school. I’ve read books about childhood development, nutrition for children, and the immune system. I’ve learned about how sugar affects attitudes, inflammation, and diseases. I’ve read about the benefits of breastfeeding on demand, how momma’s diet effects breastmilk, and the benefits of breastfeeding for baby. I’ve read a lot. In that reading I’ve learned that food before one really is just for fun. If I am going to feed my baby solids before one I want it to have the most nutrition possible, so we’ll probably start with egg yolk and avocado before fruits. And we’ll definitely be doing lots of vegetables before any fruits.
My third child changed my mothering in ways that I wasn't prepared for. #boymom #momlife #crunchymom #breastfeeding #babyledweaning Click To TweetI don’t worry as much about what other people think about my parenting decisions.
While with my first child I felt like I needed to defend every decision my husband and I made {not to family, just to all those random strangers who like to ask things about your baby}, I now feel comfortable and secure in my role as a mother. If people don’t like my decisions that is fine, my child is my child and I am doing the best that I can for them. If you make other choices for how you raise your child I’m not going to judge you or think less of you, your child is yours to parent.
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My parenting totally changed, just with my second child. She’s 10 now. Of course I think that my change in style happened because my kids are 6 years apart. Things were totally different the 2nd time around. And although we are done having kids, unless God has other plans, my parenting style would be different with my 3rd as well. 🙂
There were a few changes with number two, but not as many as I have noticed this time. 🙂 I’m sure things will change again when we add more.
You just took the words out of my mouth! Actually for months I have been writing a blog post in my head along these lines but I haven’t gotten around to actually typing it out yet. =) I really do think my third baby changed my mothering. I wish I would have parented Isaiah and Eloise more like I am Olive… but they were the guinea pigs… lol. Now I feel like I know so much more and am so much more relaxed. And take so much more time to cherish the little moments instead of rushing everything on!!!
I’m trying to change how I react to Seth and Cameron to be the same way that I react to Andrew eg more kisses, more cuddle time, more sweet talk. 🙂 I would still love to read your post!!
So much of this is true for me just with my second, especially the ones about slowing down. I’m definitely soaking in the teeny tiny days a lot more than I did with my first son, and I NEVER slept with my first in the bed – now every morning when my 6 week old wakes uo before 6 and well before his brother wakes up, he comes into bed with us and it’s so nice.
Isn’t it the best? 🙂 I find it so much easier to get in some extra much needed sleep if I bring Andrew to bed with us in the mornings? And then I get cuddle time too.
Great insights! The journey of motherhood does change! We are blessed wit six children now and I parent them try differently than I did in the beginning. 🙂 God’s grace is good and He is able to make up for my mistakes.
Thank you for the post!
SO much grace. Isn’t that the best thing?
Thank u for that response. I’ve been totally down and depressed bc I didn’t nurse 4 of my children. Since knowing and understanding the value of it I get upset bc I robbed them of a healthier start. I have 6 now. It’s been the best decision.
Completely relate to this. My third baby made me a more ‘go with the flow’ mother!
I love this! I wish I’d had more experience with my second and “final” baby… I would have tried to slow down each moment. I’m definitely more easygoing with him. Thanks for sharing at the Manic Mondays blog hop!
You’re welcome! I always find lots of great posts to read there! Make lots of memories this summer!
My “baby” turned 15 yesterday, and as the only girl (she has three older brothers), she is most definitely still THE BABY. I like to think we don’t spoil her, but my parenting really did change when she was born! We knew she’d be our last child, and somehow that status plus only daughter status made it all different and I do think I’ve treasured the moments more.
I’m visiting from Christian Fellowship Friday – have a great week!
Thanks for coming by Kym! Oh my goodness, it will be so much worse if we ever have a girl! My husband swears he wouldn’t know what to do with a girl, but I know that she would have him wrapped around her finger as soon as she was born. 🙂
Love this! I have definitely changed since having my third. I don’t care so much about doing things the “right” way but I just do what I feel like baby needs me to do. Great post!
I was anxious to read your post because we have 2 kids and would love a third. Some of the other posts I read have scared me a little. Stuff like being outnumbered, your house being messier than ever and being plain exhausted. Reading your post was very refreshing. I think I would be in less of a rush to start solids too and try to offer healthy stuff more than snacky stuff. Thank you so much for this!!!
I’m so glad you found this encouraging Deidre! Thanks for coming by!!
So glad I found your blog! It seems we have a lot in common. I am very into cuddles instead of cleaning and baby led weaning.
Aww thanks! I’m going to come check out your site tomorrow when I have a bit of time to read. 🙂
I find this super strange haha ^^ I have been having so many thoughts of how I need to slow down! That I wish to spend more time cuddling and such but I don’t know how to fit in more. My 3rd is 2 years old this month and she is an interesting addition. I find I am more busy now than with my others – school, health issues and work comes into play. But it’s a great insight to see the other side. Thanks for letting us know how you are cherishing this little one.
Hi Rose, thanks for coming by! It is definitely a busy time, isn’t it!
This is so true! My third is just 4 months old and I’m cherishing every moment so much more than I did the first two. I feel a lot more relaxed and I find myself just breathing in his sweet baby smell because I know it won’t last forever.
I love that baby smell!! Enjoy your time with this third baby, momma!!
Hi, Rebekah! I really appreciated this post, after just introducing our four year old daughter to our newborn son! 🙂 I find lots of inspiration from your blog, and have nominated you for the Blogger Recognition award! You can read more about it here. https://afreshbrewedfaith.com/2017/06/08/blogger-recognition-award-2/#more-13126 I hope you can participate! 🙂
Aww, thanks!!! I hope many more find it encouraging as well!!
This post reminds me of my earlier parenting days! Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
I couldn’t agree more! My first child I was so high-strung and worried and anxious she wasn’t going to turn out. My second child I felt like I had more of a hang of it. My third child? Eh, SO MUCH MORE RELAXED. It’ll be interesting to hear your thoughts once #4 arrives!
With each new baby, I’ve spent more time enjoying my baby. Now that I have my last (and he’s almost 4) I’m trying to enjoy all moments! I wish I had enjoyed my first 2 like I’ve enjoyed my last 3.
Great post!