How to Fight Mom Guilt + Find Rest for Your Soul
Dear Momma of Littles,
Do you long for a moment of silence when your world seems like chaos?
Does that fill you with mom guilt?
Do you anticipate your workout/gym time/long run because it means a break from little voices who need to tell you: who they are pretending to be that day, how they are going to save the world, asking what they are going to have for breakfast, and then whining about the answer they received, all with 3.2 seconds of getting up?
Do you then feel guilty all day?
Do you dream of hours of uninterrupted sleep, or a date night with hubby where you aren’t constantly talking about the children and how you need to figure out a new discipline strategy, or consequences for certain offences, or even about all the cute things the littles do and say?
Does that make you feel guilty the next time you leave your littles?
Dear Momma, DON’T FEEL GUILTY!!
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Why Should We Fight Mom Guilt?
Loving on your littles, running your home, spending your days balancing work and play, cleaning up accidents, fixing snacks and meals…. let’s just admit it, it is tiring! If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your family.
3 Things Moms NEED to Do + The Reasons You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty
Mommas need to get their rest. Your body needs rest. We were created to crave rest, for our bodies, our minds and our souls. God even created a day just for us to rest.
The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Mark 3:27b
Dear Momma, don’t feel guilty if you need to nap. Many mommas like to use nap time to check things off their to-do list, but, if you are tired, don’t feel like you need to.
If you aren’t tired, a quiet time while the littles sleep is good for our bodies and our mental health. If you have a personal devotional time during nap time, your soul will be feel renewed and you in turn will feel rested.
I don’t have a newborn or infant but I know that for my health {and my husbands sanity, he prefers an awake wife not a zombie when he gets home around six} I need my naps. I don’t usually sleep the whole time the boys are sleeping, maybe 30-45 minutes, but that little amount always makes me feel so much better. I spend the rest of the nap time/rest time enjoying the quietness, or actually doing something on my to-do list.
Fight Mom Guilt! If you need sleep, take a nap because running yourself down will only contribute to health problems. You also shouldn’t feel guilty for implementing a quiet time if you have littles who don’t nap anymore.
Moms need to do things that they enjoy. Try not to feel guilty when you take time for yourself. If you enjoy blogging, crafting, running, research, reading, or playing an instrument, try to make it a priority to get some uninterrupted time to yourself each week. It could be during your little’s nap time/rest time or it could be on the weekend when your husband is home to watch the children. Taking time for yourself will help you to feel more fulfilled as a woman and a happier mother.
As an alternative you could also hire a mother’s helper to come over for a couple hours once a week. This could mean that you don’t have to spend weekend time away from your whole family, and it could help you to be more rested for when your husband is home.
Don’t feel guilty as you hide in the pantry or bathroom nibbling on chocolate or checking Facebook to see what all the “sane” mommas are doing. It is far better to go into your room and shut the children out, get a breath/a bite of chocolate/a sip of coffee/all of the above and a prayer for higher help, rather than allow things to build up and explode in anger and frustration at those little ones {or husband} you love so dearly.
Moms of littles NEED to get away. Whether it is a date night with your hubby, a girls night, or some time to yourself at a coffee shop, try to plan some extended time away {by extended I’m meaning at least 2 hours} from the children. It will give you a chance to let go of things at home, have a break from constant questions and chatter, and remember who you are outside of momma.
Fight Mom Guilt! A break from your children can give you new perspective, allow you to decompress, and it also gives your littles a break from you!
Jesus needed to get away for some peace and quiet. He needed to recharge his batteries. He needed communication with the Father. And so do you, Momma. Click To Tweet
Let Jesus Be Your Example
The other, and the biggest, reason that I encourage you not to feel guilty when you are away from your children and seeking a break is this:
Jesus slipped away from the crowds. The Son of God, who had all power in him to call an army of angels to rescue him, who raised men from the dead, made the blind see and the deaf hear, he needed to get away for some peace and quiet. He needed to recharge his batteries. He needed communication with the Father. And so do you Momma.
“If the God of the Universe, who wants for nothing rested, than we his image bearers, who are in want of everything, need rest.” Courtney Reissig
Jesus left the crowds and went to find a place to breathe. Matthew 13:1-3a “Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. And great crowds gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat down. And the whole crowd stood on the beach. and he told them many things…”
Honestly this reminds me of the times I escape to the bathroom, or the bedroom for a minute. I sneak away for a breath and then my little crowd comes to find me. Then it is right back to teaching, to learning and to mothering.
{Check out these Scriptures that talk about Jesus leaving to find rest Mark 1:35, Mark 6:45-46, Luke 4:42, Luke 9:18.}
The Savior of your soul needed to find rest, and so do you.
Find Rest for Your Soul. Dear Momma, if you are searching for rest and you cannot find it, it is possible you are looking in all the wrong places. The things mentioned above are good ways to get rest for your body and your mind, but what do you do when your soul is restless and searching? Where do you go? Who do you turn to?
There is One who is longing for you. He wants you to run to him. He wants to take all your burdens upon himself and he will give you something much lighter in return.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden,I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
All who labor– that is you momma. You work day in and day out. For your family, your husband, your church, your boss.
All who are heavy laden– again that is you. I know for myself as a mother sometimes it seems like I have to carry the world- everything is happening at once and there are things to be done and places to go and people who need me, all of those heavy burdens you carry, Jesus wants to carry them for you.
Let Him Momma. Right now. Give all those things you are carrying around with you to him. Find rest for your tired soul.
Father,
I pray that we as mommas would not allow “our burdens” to overwhelm us. I pray that we would take them to you. Those relationships that we are struggling with, the thought that we have to “save” our children, the work that isn’t getting done, the boss that wants us to spend more time at work, the guilt that we feel when we seek rest from the endless job of mothering, help us to give it all to you. You want to give us something much lighter. You want to give us abundant life. You want us to be filled with joy that is “inexpressible and filled with glory.” Help us today to give everything of our self over to you and seek to do your will and bring you glory in everything we do, whether it is when we are with our children, or when we are getting rest and “me-time”.
Amen.
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Thank you for this prayer. Thank you for the encouragement that REST IS OK! I often feel guilty as a mom. I do. There is so much rest and peace within God’s presence. I want to be there all the time and never leave!
I know what you mean. I wish I could live in a spiritual high bubble. Eventually we will spend all our time in his presence. 🙂
Absolutely love this post! I sometimes feel guilty for bringing my daughter to the gym daycare, getting a pedicure or hiring a babysitter so I can “sneak” out of the house with my husband after she goes to bed so we can have a quiet, uninterrupted dinner alone! My daughter is my world, but I am tired and I definitely need me time and time with my husband. It’s definitely hard not to feel guilty sometimes…
It is hard! Good for you for doing what you need to do to get in that “rest” time. Your daughter will have a good example of a loving momma who took care of her but also made time to take herself.
Enjoyed this. I find myself here a lot and have to remind myself that it is okay to want just 5 minutes to myself. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks! I’m glad this encouraged you. 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this. There are times I feel guilty asking for me time, for alone time, because I have the amazing opportunity to be at home with my little girl – something that many of my friends only wish to be able to do, not have to work. This was just what I needed to hear today – to find my strength in the Lord, and that it is okay to need a little break sometimes 🙂
Same here. My dream as a little girl was to be a stay at home momma with a bunch of littles and so I get frusterated when I find myself resenting my husband when he gets to leave everyday (that doesn’t happen all the time, but it does on occassion during stressful weeks:) ). I have been reading through the gospels and I loved seeing that Jesus had to take time away to recharge, it gelps me to relate to him better. 🙂
Timely post. I just reminded my husband that I needed few hours a week to myself. I did feel guilty for asking at first, but 2-3 hours out of 168 isn’t that much. 🙂
Not at all Donella!! Take that time to really rest, I know sonetimes when my husband takes the boys I like to spend the whole time cleaning. Although sometimea cleaning by myself can be quite restful. 🙂
Such a great letter! I have stopped feeling guilty for wanting to exercise or doing something for myself. It took awhile though.
Good for you!! I’m sure eventually I will get to that point. 🙂
Not gonna lie, I was skimming this, because my son is 16 and I’ve pretty much worked through my “mommy guilt”, I’ve learned how I need to nurture myself; however, just this morning after my daily devotional I started to pray, and I just couldn’t, I ended up saying “God, I’m just so tired, I’m just so tired of it all and all of the struggle” and then there was peace, I knew that I kept saying I was turning things over to Him, but I kept taking them back and worrying! That isn’t trusting Him and having faith, I was putting my trust in me and the outside world. And then, I was just skimming your post so I could say I read it, and I got to the bottom, and wouldn’t you know it! This mornings verse was in Matthew about the man whose servant was ill and he didn’t take his servant to Jesus, he went to Jesus and said ‘I have faith that one word spoken from you can heal my servant”. And then you shared Matthew, “I will give you rest”.
Thank you, so very much!
You’re so welcome Kate!! Your comment made me cry. This post was written an entirely different way and then as I was typing it up I just felt I needed to change some things. I’m so glad that God was able to use this to encourage you!!
Such an encouraging post. I can identify with sneaking around. I have to be very sneaky with my phone otherwise there is a tantrum because he wants to play with it!
🙂 Cameron likes to try to steal my phone too. He likes having it in his pocket.
As mothers, you are entrusted with such a great mandate to care for future leaders and influencers. I encourage you to know become weary in well-doing for in the end you will gain a reward – well-deserved for you honored Christ in the raising of his children.
Thanks for this reminder Kim! There is reward at the end. 🙂
I needed this! I almost never get a breather from my little ones, and I feel guilty sometimes for desperately wanting a break. I sometimes hide in the bathroom to eat a piece of chocolate or just breeeeeeathe. 🙂
I think most mommas do the same. I have done it several times. The problem I find though is I have time for a bite or a breath and then the boys come pounding on the door.
I totally feel guilty anytime I need a break! My husband would gladly give me one, but I never take them. LOVE the new design, by the way!!
Thanks Brittany! 🙂 Go take a break. It is an order. Take your laptop/favorite book to the coffee shop and take two hours for yourself.
I had no idea I would feel so guilty after becoming a mother! I’m so happy this is a universal feeling. A nap every now and then with the kiddos is perfect way to restore my soul & a strong cup of coffee upon awakening. Thanks for this great post!
Coffee and naps are lifesavers here. I think we could be good friends. 🙂
I just figured out how to pin your posts!
Samantha
🙂
Excellent point that Jesus stepped away for breaks…and that was during his 3 yrs of ministry. Everyone needs a break sometimes!
I know quite a few mom friends who need to read this! Definitely saving this for when I have my baby this summer!
Feel free to share it with them. 🙂 I feel breaks are especially needed in the newborn stage. I live babies dearly, but they are so needy! It is good to be needed, but we can’t take care of them properly if we aren’t taking care of ourselves.
Thank you for the reminder!!
Thank you for sharing. Everyone needs breaks!
Love this. I shared it with the Green Grandma community on FB, Twitter, and Pinterest. Thank you for such an excellent post.
Thank you so much Green Grandma!! I hope it offers some encouragement to you and your followers. Grandma’s need breaks with their Heavenly Father as well. 🙂
This is a great post. I also did a few posts this months about mommy guilt. I think we all experience it more than we would like to! I have 5 kiddos, so I get to experience it a lot!
Aww, thanks! I’m glad an older, more experienced momma also experiences guilt it makes me feel better. 🙂 Thanks for coming by!
Loved this. Great message for all mamas out there.
Thanks for coming by Ashley! It is so hard to fight mom guilt, especially in this day and age of social media and mom shaming. I hope that you found this encouraging!
my kids are older but I remember that guilt. Seriously, you are a better mom if you let it go. I love how you tied in the biblical truth for rest. Great article, God bless
Hi Amy, I think even older mommas deal with mom guilt at times. It is a hard thing to let go.
Loving this post and the relation to how Jesus lived! I know that for me all of these categories can make me feel guilt but all make me a better mom! Thanks for sharing!
You’re welcome Jehava!! I know I found this encouraging to my momma heart when someone pointed out that even Jesus needed rest.
I totally agree with this! One of my resolutions for 2016 was More ME in 2016.. and I decided NOT to feel guilty when doing things for myself.. and let me tell you, I had the best year ever. A happy momma makes for a happy family!
I’m so glad that you had a great year Lauren!! I hope this next year is as good as the old one was. Fighting mom guilt is something that more of us need to do, we have got to take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually, so that we can take care of others~!
You are so encouraging! Recharging is so important for Momma’s. There are so many times when I just try to be supermom and I think I’m invincible. But then I am very quickly reminded that that is definitely not the case! Haha! Finding rest in Christ is the answer, along with physical rest as well. Thanks for this! 😊
I love this! I constantly feel like I can’t rest while my little one naps because I have so much to do, but I need to not feel guilty and do what is best for me sometimes.
Such a beautiful post. At the time of year, it’s a great read for when we feel tired and stressed. Thank you for sharing and encouraging other moms.
This is a great post! As a new mom totally didn’t realize that I would end up feeling guilty about EVERYTHING! I really need to focus on NOT feeling guilty for every little thing.
Thank you for sharing this! I struggle with feeling guilty over wanting some time to myself all the time! Even just a few minutes while she is playing, I feel like I’m ignoring her.
Thank you for the reminder to take time for ourselves!
Thank you for this post – helped me a lot!
You’re welcome!! 🙂 I know I need the reminder to fight mom guilt often myself. Thanks for coming by!
Great advice there! Rest is indeed necessary and one shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Glad I read this. ☺
Love this! It is so true! Can’t wait to share!
Thanks for sharing Kasey!!
This was such a good post! It is so easy to feel guilty about needing some time just for ourselves! 😊
It is hard to fight mom guilt, isn’t it!! I’m glad that you found this encouraging!!
Beautiful post, and I totally agree! I say this all the time, but not as well as you did!
I am a mom of 3, blogger and business owner and I always feel the mommy guilt! Thanks for sharing these tips.
You’re welcome, Yami!! I hope that you find some time for yourself in this holiday season!
So much mom guilt! Guilt about going to work, guilt about being happy to be at work, guilt about not working late, guilt guilt guilt. You are so right we need to rest and give ourselves a break. I love the reminder that even Jesus needed a break!
Yes!! Guilt comes from all directions and it can be overwhelming to try and fight. We all need rest and a break!
I love this post! As a homeschooling mom of 4 children, I need rest. But I do feel the guilt. I’m studying Mark this year with Bible Study, I love how your post confirmed that even Jesus needed to get away! I, too need to step away and not feel guilty. The saying goes “Take care of yourself, or you can’t take care of nobody else”.
A very beautiful post. I should show this my friend who just had a baby. xx
Thanks, Anna! I hope your friend finds it encouraging.
Thanks for the post! Though I am not a mom , this definately is something I see with my mother and I try to cheer her up.
Yes! As a mom of three kids under 5, I usually end up taking a nap with them. Thanks for sharing!
Naps are the best!! 🙂
Thanks for this reminder! I’ve needed it lately, my 3-year-old is in a demanding season and he’s dropping his naps so trying to find time for me has been harder.
I pretty much eat mom guilt for breakfast… so thanks for the help!
Oh, my this is so relevant! Me time is so hard to come by around here with two littles. However, I am a WAY better mommy when I have a little mommy time!
Yes! It can be so refreshing and give you just the boost you need!
So glad I found this. Today has been one of those stressful days full of mom guilt! It is time to give myself a little grace and recharge. Thank you!
This is so true for me right now! With two littles well under the age of 2, I struggle for moments where there is not a little human being clinging to me! Date nights and bible study nights are the best!!! And I am so glad I am not the only one who naps with the kiddos some days! 🙂
Goodness no! I nap with the littles most days! Otherwise I don’t think I can make it to bedtime, haha!
This is a wonderful reminder! Mom guilt is no joke, and it can be so hard to ignore it. But as you say, taking time is necessary for yourself and others. Thanks for a great post.
This is great! I struggle often with mom guilt! Thanks for sharing!
I definitely had a little mom guilt when my daughter was younger, but now that she is 4, no mom guilt at all lol.
In the culture I grew up in, it was very uncommon for moms to take time for themselves and go on date nights and so on. So i struggle with guilt when i want to go have an evening by myself with my husband. I like what you said about Jesus taking time to rest. Sometimes though we have to keep plugging through because babies don’t always allow us the time to rest right when we think we need it.
It can be so hard to take care of myself as a mom and not feel that guild but you are right! Hubby often reminds me that Jesus napped. Be more like Jesus he says! Good advice.
I see this is an older post, but it came at just the right time for me today. My boys are napping (2.5 yr old twins), and I have a million things to do right now, and I can’t bring myself to do any of it. I jumped on pinterest and your article was right at the top, and I recognized your name and went right to it. I was in tears reading it b/c it is exactly how I’m feeling. Definitely overwhelmed, and I know something needs to give. I so appreciate the practical suggestions, b/c I feel like I’ve combed over so many scenarios to figure out how to create time to recharge and rest . You had a lot of helpful suggestions, and I’m feeling a bit lighter, knowing there are some solutions to how I’m feeling. (I feel like this comment is choppy and doesn’t make much sense, lol, – indicative of my scattered mind right now). But all this to say thanks. God really used this post today to help me and give me a boost!
Aww, kate I’m so glad that you found this post encouraging and helpful!! Mom guilt is something that can definitely weigh us all down. <3